Fears - Divergent
by My.Corner.Of.The.Library
Summary: This goes through all of Tris' fears with depth of her thoughts to it. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

A wave splashed over my foot causing me to almost loose my balance.

No not this one again.

I had gone through this so many times, why did I have to keep doing this.

I had worked up a technique with this; first I have to reach down with hands and get a good grip on the slimy rock, then I slowly lower myself so that I am lying on my stomach, the step after is where I always fail, holding on for dear life. The slime squirmed under my body, I had to constantly remind myself that none of this was real so I wouldn't freak out and wipe my hands off which would cause me to fall into the sea. This was one of my fears you see, being out in the middle of a stormy ocean on a lonesome slimy rock. A wave crashed down on me, my legs dangled in the water as I scuttled to get back on top of the rock. I stood up, I didn't know from which direction it was coming from but I knew that it was. The rock was too slippery to turn around and get a better view of the surrounding waves. I hated the inevitable, I hated how I had no control of the future like my feet I might add. A wave slapped me across the back.I twisted uncontrollably trying to get my footing, but it was no use; I gave up, I slid down the rock , hated this moment the most, the moment as the sea quickly approached closer, where my future was set in stone and I had no control.

He stared at me, he expected me to improve, like I would some day be as tough, as strong or as brave as him; why didn't he understand that I would just let him down again. Like always, I was just one big disappointment, a problem that Tobias had to fix. But even though I hated this, I was doing it for myself too. I had to prove to myself that I wasn't some flimsy teenage girl who could batter her eyes and her command was fulfilled. But wait, I wasn't pretty enough for that, I couldn't even batter my eye. How do people do that? But I knew what I was, a damsel in distress, yes you heard me right, I a ugly barbie doll with her hair all pulled out by a two year old waiting for Tobias to save my skin.

I wasn't to sure why he did though, I guess it has something to do with the way he loved me, but I wasn't to sure about that either. But I knew that I loved him, he was my epitome of safe, the home that I could always runs to screaming like a girl when I had no home, plus his leans tall body that would flip any girls stomach always got my heart going. Well the worlds not perfect; I got my Ken, and he got his ugly bald Barbie.


	2. Chapter 2

I refused to make eye contact with him. I had disappointed him yet again and there was no excuse I could pull on him that he would believe, no, "I think I'm coming down with something", or "I am really stressed with all that's happening right now", there is only one thing I could say to him right now.

"I'm sorry."

I stood and started walking away when he said, "That's okay." I expected a "Go have dinner and get some sleep, we will be starting training again in the morning." or "This is not good enough, before we go outside that wall I want you to be ready." but no, a simple that's okay. He knew I was struggling, and he respected that in a way. I was supposed to conquer my fears but how do I conquer simple principles. I couldn't stand being held back, I couldn't stand it when I had no say in where my life would lead. These weren't really fears they were more morals then anything.

I sat down next to Christina with my sad plate of instant mashed potato, she still hated me quite a bit but she was trying to put that behind us. She looked at me, "Still no luck?" I shook my head. She was going through roughly the same training as me, she had been having better luck then me but she was stuck as well. She had more fears than I did but she was working faster through them, she had a few fears of material matter, stuff like jellyfish and wasps. But the one that she just couldn't budge was a fear of being alone. This fear was her core; it controlled the way she acted, what she said and did. It controlled her characteristics, like the part of her that stayed Candor when she switched to Dauntless, how she stayed honest because she saw it as the only way to see who she should let into her life. How is someone supposed to delete the sane part of themselves. But what Christina feared was not being lonely, she feared not having anyone loyal by her side, someone she could trust, how does someone ignore their own instincts.

I dragged my fork through the watery consistency, I remember as a little girl I would pretend I was a farmer ploughing the fields ready for the next crop to grow. But thinking about my childhood just threw up to many feelings into my throat, so I didn't linger on the vivid memories too long, because it made me think about another one of my fears, being forced to shoot my family.


End file.
